I finally found these old emails from July 2002 when Deni, Darin and I were doing this "Sister Survey" thing, where one of us would ask a question and we would all reply. Below are the answers to a question I asked about Grandpa Nelson. I always hoped we'd move on to talk about the other grandparents but we never quite got there. Guess that's what this cookblog is for.
Unfortunately Deni's answer is missing. I might have it somewhere and if I find it I'll add it here. I think I remember her saying that her memories weren't nearly as vivid as ours but when she thought about Grandma and Grandpa Nelson she remembered feeling very safe and loved, which I think is how we all felt.
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From Dione: When I wrote Karyn the letter about the furniture, I realized that since Grandpa Nelson died when I was only 10 or 11, I don't have nearly as many memories of him as I do of Grandma, which I think is kind of sad. (Sorry, I'm pregnant, hormonal, and sentimental.) Tell me about one or more memories you have of Grandpa Nelson.
From Darin:MEMORIES OF GRANDPA: His calmness. His quietness. His gentleness. Him working in his workshop building things (and hiding out from grandma!!!), (sometimes building cool things, like a staircase for my Barbies.)
Yardwork. He was always busy making their yard beautiful on McBryde. I remember Grandma running him ragged and haranguing him, and him just good naturedly taking it...most of the time. And those occasional yummy times when he'd snap back at her.
I remember when he retired and the two of us used to go pick Grandma up at Macy's after work. "Downtown."
I remember snuggling in the middle of their bed while they read their morning devotional and drinking my teensy cup of coffee w/way too much sugar in it.
I remember going to church w/ him & Grandma at Grace Lutheran and how he "shot the breeze" with the other "ushers."
I remember those Sundays after church and "supper" when he used to take Grandma and me for rides up to Tilden in that car I bought from him yrs later just so he'd stop driving. (By then, he steered and Grandma drove..."Ed, you're running off the road, pull to your left.")
One of my most precious memories is when I first started working at Chevron and had moved out. I used to drag my dirty laundry over there every week to use their machines. Grandma would try to wash it, Grandpa would insist on helping me fold it, and just the two of us would talk about Chevron, and South Dakota. Grandma was off in the kitchen cooking dinner.
In the latter years, him sneaking cigarettes off Chuck and them smoking out in the backyard where Grandma could see them.
And then, in the middle somewhere, camping, when they packed everything and the kitchen sink--it was like setting up a Mash unit when they went camping with Maurie and Janice at Lake Mendocino. the "bug tent."
From Dione: Re: Grandpa Nelson, I can't tell you how glad it made me that his calmness, quietness & gentleness were first on your list. Rolling through my memories of him, I realized that I couldn't remember the sound of his voice. (That's not true of the other grandparents, aunts & uncles). I remember spending time with him, but the times I remember are very quiet and calm. I wasn't sure if that was true or if I'd just forgotten...
I remember the sound of his electric shaver and the smell of his aftershave as he got ready in the morning. I remember the way a smile would slowly break across his face and turn into a huge grin. I remember him sneaking fresh baked cookies when Grandma wasn't looking. I remember he made his scrambled eggs too runny.
I remember playing a zillion games of Crazy Eights with him. I remember sitting on his lap and holding the magnifying glass for him while he read the paper. I remember how patiently he helped Grandma put up zillions of Christmas decorations. I remember spending a week alone with him, dreading it at first, because what would we do without Grandma? But then wishing I could stay longer because we'd had so much fun.
I remember there was something incredibly comforting about the routines of their day-to-day lives:
- The way Grandpa brought their coffee to bed every morning (using the same two cups every day and yes, mine in a teensy cup with lots of milk and sugar.)
- Snuggling with them during their morning devotional. (Did we all get to do this?)
- Eating something yummy for breakfast and then watching them play pinochle while I finished my hot chocolate.
- Eating a big supper at noon while they watched "Days of Our Lives" and then hanging out in the kitchen with Grandpa while he did the dishes. (For some reason I thought it was so sweet that he did them...Maybe this is why I'm still so charmed by the sight of a man doing dishes. To this day, I only buy the green Palmolive liquid that they used -though my bottle doesn't wear an apron - because the smell of it immediately transports me to their warm, cozy kitchen or to the camping trip when Grandma taught me to do dishes standing on a little stool in front of a red dishpan (and every day after that I begged to do those dishes because I thought it was so much fun.)
- Covering them with beach towels and tucking them in for their afternoon naps and then playing quietly to the sound of their snoring. (Same two towels every day. Grandma gave me Grandpa's towel, which is practically in shreds now, but I could never throw it away.)·
- The tiny glasses of red wine they drank each afternoon (doctor's orders!) and how they thought it was so darn funny to occasionally switch their wine with my grape juice and then wait for me to be shocked by the nasty taste.
I remember the time when Danny and I were very little and Grandma got us all dressed up for church in our bright white Easter outfits and then told Grandpa to watch us while she got dressed. Somehow we sweet-talked him into handing over a bag of chocolate Easter eggs. He didn't want us to make a mess so he made us eat them outside...in the hot sun. By the time she was ready to go, we were both covered in chocolate. Boy did he get in trouble.
I remember the time he braved snakes, spiders and rats to rescue a puzzle piece I dropped through one of the cracks in the deck. (I thought that was the ULTIMATE declaration of love.)
I remember how much Grandma missed him when he was gone and dreamed of seeing him again in heaven one day... Always made me hope I'd love someone that much someday...
From Darin: (Answered above...but naturally has more to say after reading Dione's remembrances) Dione's remark, "I remember there was something incredibly comforting about the routines of their day-to-day lives" was very true/touching w/me also. It's one of the things I've faulted myself on not giving my girls, that structured of a routine.
I remember explaining to a therapist how I felt guilty about this, and she asked me to describe a day/week at the Good's...and she said "whether you know it or not, that IS Structure." Well, it wasn't structure compared to the comfort of structure at grandma's, but maybe the best a working mom can do these days.
I was also touched by Dione remembering about the disappointment, worry, anxiety of "being stuck" alone w/Grandpa until Grandma got home from work...until you learned that he was a pretty different, more playful, etc., kind of guy away from her scrutinizing eyes : ) That was one I had to catch on to, too. Grandma sort of stole the show, but when the Cat was away, the Mouse was a fun grandpa.
My big thing about Grandpa Nelson was that I always thought their Marriage was sort of 'way ahead of its time', as far as sharing traditional duties like housework, etc. I always admired him for that, still do. Probably part of it might have been from being raised on farms, where everyone pitched in and helped with everything, but in the 60's, my dad & my friends' dad's didn't do housework, etc. Then again, their wives didn't run grocery stores and work in shipyards. So that from the time I first started catching onto Grandpa being that way until we lost him, I always respected him tremendously for that.
As for Grandpa and the Heroic Puzzle Piece...sorry, but that pales in comparison to what my favorite, heroic Aunt Marge did when I was about 4or 5 and I dropped my colorful plastic bracelets into the toilet in her bathroom where there was actual poop in the toilet (probably David hadn't flushed, he never did)...she Reached In, Retrieved Them, Washed Them Off, and Returned Them. I was impressed for years by her bravery.Probably until I owned my own toilet and realized that you couldn't flush plastic bracelets or Buicks down toilets without having serious plumbing problems that made your husband go absolutely NUTS, as witnessed by when Katie pee'd her pants at age 3 and flushed the evidence.
Aunt Lynnie made these when I was very pregnant with Alyssa and then sent me home with a bag of them. They were DELICIOUS and as I was gorging my pregnant self on them, for some reason I got it in my head that these would be the perfect thing to make when I went into labor so that folks would have something to munch on while they waited for the baby to be born. Yep, I was planning to just whip up a batch of these between labor pains, I guess.
